While driving to work last week, the morning show I was listening to was talking about Dinner for Eight. This is where you create a guest list for a dinner party of eight people, yourself included. So you get to invite seven people over for dinner. Any seven people. Alive or dead. I quickly realized that I would not be able to only have one dinner party. That's just too hard. I'd end up cutting my wife from the guest list. Then after dinner, I'd be sleeping on the couch. So here is my sports edition of Dinner for Eight:
1. Michael Jordan - I am not nearly as enamored with his Airness as I was as a child of the 90's, watching him dominate the sport. But he is still considered by most as the greatest basketball player to ever play the game. I'd mostly just want his autograph, even if it was on a dirty napkin. Then he'd probably try to start a poker game with a $50,000 ante. At that point, I'd send him home. In his private jet.
2. Steve Prefontaine - If you don't know Pre, you probably aren't a long-distance runner. Or at least related to one. Pre was a runner back when runners were rock stars. He died at the age of 24, before he had even entered his prime. At the time, he owned every single American record from 2,000 meters to 10,000 meters. That is absolutely insane. I would talk to Pre about how he managed to push his body beyond what it should have been capable of. I would ask him to predict how fast he could have been if he were living in today's world of better nutrition, training, and technology. I'd also ask him the secret to his epic 'stache.
3. Ryan Hall - Possibly as close to a Pre-like figure as we have today, marathon-wise. The man is the fastest American marathoner. Ever. And that includes African-born runners who have gotten U.S. citizenship. I saw Ryan run once in high school. Dude was fast. Now he's fast over a much longer distance. He can basically run the pace of my fastest mile (4:39) for 26.2 miles. I can't fathom that. He is also a believer in Jesus and lets his running flow out of his faith. I would probably want Ryan to stick around after everyone else left so we could talk faith and running. After we digested, we'd head out on a run. Something short...you know, 15 miles or so.
4. Dr. James Naismith - The inventor of my first love: basketball. He nailed two peach baskets to the walls of a gymnasium, gave some guys a soccer ball, told them not to kick it, and the game was born. I'd ask him his thoughts on today's game. Could he ever have imagined it would become what it is? He'd have some opinions about Michael Jordan transcending his game. And, like most red-blooded humans, he would be raving mad about LeBron's Decision. Before he left for the night, I'd thank Dr. Naismith for inventing the game that I grew up playing. Perhaps we'd play a game of H-O-R-S-E. On a real hoop. Without Michael, just to be fair.
5. Bill Bowerman - The University of Oregon long-distance coach when Prefontaine ran there. I'd pick his brain about getting the most out of his athletes. I'd ask him what he thinks about the current state of Nike, which he founded. We'd get out the waffle iron and whip up some running shoes. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch Prefontaine or Without Limits, both biopics on the life of Pre. Bowerman might be a little tough to have at a dinner party, being so gruff and all. But he'd be great to talk to.
6. Michael Phelps - How could you not want to talk to someone so dominant? My sister grew up a competitive swimmer, so I can appreciate what this guy has done. I'd also be curious to see just how much dinner he could eat, being that he downs like 12,000 calories a day when he's training. Then I'd snap a picture of us and post it on my sister's Facebook wall. In the caption I'd be all, "Me and my buddy Michael Phelps." But if he tried to bring in any weed, I'd have to snap the picture at the door and send him on his way. Then he'd go to the corner store in search of massive quantities of Doritos. That's what happens when you do drugs, kids. No one wants you to come over for dinner.
I think every dinner should have a "What the heck?" attendee, so...
7. Tonya Harding - Stay with me here. Wouldn't it be interesting to get inside that head? I mean, what was it like to know you couldn't win, but want to so badly that you resort to getting someone to crack your competition's knee? Does she regret it? Was it worth it? Of course, I'd seat her well away from my rolling pin or anything else that could look like a knee-striking object.
8. Me - The host. The organizer. The maker of the seating chart. Oh, don't even get me started on the seating chart. Logically, Jordan and Naismith should sit next to each other. Pre and Bowerman. Ryan Hall would be cool for me to sit next to. But no one wants to sit next to Harding. Could I do that to Phelps? If I put Harding at the foot of the table so as to not seat her next to anyone, I'd have to look at her all night from the head of the table, and no one wants that. See, I told you not to get me started on the seating chart.
That's my Sports Edition of Dinner for Eight. Tune in next time for another group of dinner guests.
3 comments:
A very intriguing idea. I would invite Mike Tyson & put Tonya next to him...at their own little table somewhere else. I'm interested to see who gets to go to your other dinner parties. If I were having one, it would have to be a fictional character party - possibly a separate one for books & tv. I know that's not really how the game is played, but that's what I would do.
My mom just told me about the same morning show. At least I think it was, she listens to Jeff and Jerr. I don't know most of your guest list but I think inviting Tonya Harding would be interesting. I bet you anything she has regrets. Both Michaels seem interesting.
This is epic hilarious. I might have to steal it from you. I'll give you credit though.
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